You all posted some awesome lines and some great comments on why those lines stood out. Now, I want you to focus on sentence structure. Look for a sentence that moves beyond, way beyond, the subject-verb creation and dazzles you with either a fun piece of punctuation or an interesting structure. Then again, maybe your writer has a case of subject-verb-itis and repeats the same pattern so many times it makes you want to scream. Share and amaze .... and remember to post by Sunday.
In other news -- here's a good read about the precision of words. Maybe you're a little obsessed with the English language, too, and would like to learn more. After Deadline, a NYTimes blog, is a great place to start.
21 comments:
My sentence is from Maureen Dowd's article "Stung by the Perfect Sting".
"The Internet was supposed to be the prolix paradise where there would be no more gatekeepers and everyone would finally have their say."
I love her word choice in this sentence. By putting "prolix" it in front of "paradise" Dowd adds spice to an otherwise pretty, but bland and overused word. This jumped out at me and made me interested and curious as to what Dowd was going to write next.
"When the last round of reactors was built, mostly built in the ’70s and ’80s, companies got a construction permit and then, after a plant was mostly finished, asked for an operating license, often creating delays."- Green Inc Blog
I picked this sentence because of the author's use of the comma. I do not necessarily agree with how often he uses it. I would have preferred two or maybe even three sentences. I have to admit,despite my dislike of his use of the comma, that the sentence gets it point across,
Patrick -- you're on fire. Great posts. Celicia -- I think Dowd is also using the alliteration to draw attention to what the internet has NOT become. Nice choice.
"Back home in the Netherlands, Elodie even tried summoning Babybear with a "Dumbledore" Harry Potter magic wand. "
I chose this sentence because of the use of the quotation marks around Dumbledore. Though Brotman might be simply placing those quotation marks because some (though few i would think) might not know who Dumbledore is, I think Brotman intentionally places the name in quotes to emphasize and demonstrate that even the magic wand that has Dumbledore's,(the wizard of all wizards )power, even that cannot bring back the young netherlander girl's Babybear. She also uses Harry POtter and Babybear I feel to make this article actually more apporachable for children or younger readers too.
My article this week was about a woman who had been married to a man with a fatal case of cystic fibrosis and this sentence is referring to the conversations they used to have (before he died) about his death.
"But we did talk a lot about death, to the point that we were almost too comfortable with it, as if by having it right next to us we could domesticate it, file down its claws."
This sentence's structure wasn't particularly interesting, but I was so impressed by the precision of the words that I couldn't choose another one. The image she created of treating death like an animal without ever directly using the word "animal" was fantastic. I loved how she applied the word "domesticate" to a concept like death, which is so obviously something outside of human control.
Caitlin Flanagan’s article “What Girls Want” focuses on teenage-girl desire and how it is reflected in young adult fiction, such as the Twilight series.
"After a friend (toward whom Bella has gently been directing one of her own admirers) finally goes on a big 'date' (a lost world right there, in a simple word), she phones Bella, breathless: 'Mike kissed me! Can you believe it?'"
This basic sentence here is quite simple: "After a friend finally goes on a big 'date', she phones Bella, breathless." However Flanagan's additions, whether through parenthesis or quotations, make it much more interesting. In particular, the parenthesis make the description feel much more personal, as though a friend is adding her asides. By doing this, Flanagan not only gives a brief plot summary, but also makes her point clear. The quotation serves to anchor the description. I don't often see this type of sentence structure or punctuation, and I was surprised by the heavy use of commas, parenthesis, colons, and semi-colons in this article. Despite this, Caitlin Flanagan makes her point clear and gives the reader lots of information in a discreet way.
In an expose of the myriad of sex/drugs/other scandals in our government, Mark Morford writes:
“In my more subdued moments of delighting in the pathos and adulterous whinings of incalculable greasy right-wing politicians, I oft wonder at the threshold, the limit, if there is some sort of karmic boundary that will eventually snap and recoil and strike them all down on the spot, some sort of grand tsunami of wayward justice that will sweep them all to the great Thai brothel in the sky after one too many gay lovers, meth addictions, adulterous affairs, teen boy fetishes comes to light and the world says, you know what? Enough of you. Back to the primordial slop you go.” – SPANK ME, THEN LET’S DO LUNCH
HOW MANY HYPOCRITICAL REPUBLICANS CAN DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A SEX SCANDAL by Mark Morford
Throughout the rest of the article Morford writes five more convoluted sentence/paragraphs like the one above. Although these long-winded sentences are often hard to follow at first read, they give more punch to the short sentences that follow them. However, this artistic choice seems to be one of Morford’s favorites, as the rest of his articles are riddled with sentence/paragraphs, and it is beginning to get old. I think that with moderation these sentence/paragraphs can be very effective in supporting his points through his clever and lengthy descriptions, but too many of them starts to remind me of Faulkner.
In an expose of the myriad of sex/drugs/other scandals in our government, Mark Morford writes:
“In my more subdued moments of delighting in the pathos and adulterous whinings of incalculable greasy right-wing politicians, I oft wonder at the threshold, the limit, if there is some sort of karmic boundary that will eventually snap and recoil and strike them all down on the spot, some sort of grand tsunami of wayward justice that will sweep them all to the great Thai brothel in the sky after one too many gay lovers, meth addictions, adulterous affairs, teen boy fetishes comes to light and the world says, you know what? Enough of you. Back to the primordial slop you go.” – SPANK ME, THEN LET’S DO LUNCH. HOW MANY HYPOCRITICAL REPUBLICANS CAN DANCE ON THE HEAD OF A SEX SCANDAL by Mark Morford
Throughout the rest of the article Morford writes five more convoluted sentence/paragraphs like the one above. Although these long-winded sentences are often hard to follow at first read, they give more punch to the short sentences that follow them. However, this artistic choice seems to be one of Morford’s favorites (his other articles are riddled with them) and it is beginning to get old. I think that with moderation these sentence/paragraphs can be very effective in supporting his points through his clever and lengthy descriptions, but too many of them starts to remind me of Faulkner.
The G.O.P. used to be the party of business. Well, to compete and win in a globalized world, no one needs the burden of health insurance shifted from business to government more than American business. No one needs immigration reform — so the world’s best brainpower can come here without restrictions — more than American business. No one needs a push for clean-tech — the world’s next great global manufacturing industry — more than American business.
I chose these lines because the structure Friedman uses really strengthens his point and clearly leads the reader to see the exact contradictions he has noticed in America's politics. Oftentimes, political writing can be confusing and difficult to decifer. Friedman, however, uses the dash to draw the reader's attention straight to the ironies he has observed in present political stances. Also, the repetition of the phrase "no one needs ____ more than American business" three times in the same paragraph emphasizes to the reader that Friedman is confident in his argument and that he has an abundance of evidence for it.
Some mothers bond instantly with their newborns; others take time to fall in love. Some mothers breast-feed easily; others are sure they will never get the hang of it. There are euphoric new mothers, and overwhelmed new mothers, Babies who take to “schedules” and those who don’t. Relatives whose visits are a godsend, and relatives who just get in the way.
I thought this was an interesting paragraph structurally. I like that the author, Lisa Belkin, switches off between using the semi-colon and commas in order to compare and contrast ideas. I think that it makes the paragraph more interesting and gives it more flow; mixing up grammar can give the paragraph more energy, which I think the author accomplishes here.
This weeks "Lives" piece was simply hilarious. My favorite jazzed up sentences:
"Nothing gets your attention, for example, like being ditched by your husband for a guy he met on Gay.com, or having your car totaled by an inebriated youth six days later."
"But I’m warning you now, there’s gonna be a little weed on your pillow. Instead of a mint."
The first sentence is great in the way it provides such a silly specific example of something that grabs your attention, which could have been very general. The word choice ("ditched" and "inebriated youth") also adds to the humor.
As for the second sentence, I love how the author keeps her quotes casual, as they would have been said (Ex. "gonna"). Having "Instead of a mint" as its own sentence helps keep the concept punchy and is a great ending that makes you smile.
My sentence is from "The Conscience of a Liberal" by Paul Krugman.
"So by all means let’s have math in economics — but as our servant, not our master."
I love everything about this sentence (It is at the conclusion of the article so it might not be as amazing to the ones just reading the sentence and my comment). The diction, first of all, is so powerful and gets its point across very clearly. The article was about how although math does serve a large portion of economics, it does not define it. The best economists have deeper insight then numbers. What I also love love love about this sentence is the dash, he draws so much attention to his point by placing it there. I would love to learn how to use it as he did because his point came across so powerfully to me. Also the use of the comma to draw attention to "not our master", just the perfect ending to the article.
From Gregory Rodriguez's "Heaven or Hell, It's LA"
"The next time some knucklehead out-of-towner asks me what it's like to live in La-La Land, I'm going to blurt out just one big, scary compound word that he's not likely to understand: pyrocumulus. "
The sentence structure was able to convey the author's feelings very well and set the tone for the article. The sentence seems very silly serious, which I like. This is seen through parts of the sentence such as "one big scary, compound word."
My sentence is from Dionne's article "At Long Last, Obama Fires Back On Health Care Reform."
"Obama's target audiences were diverse: liberal activists and members of Congress, moderate rank-and-file voters, and a few Republican senators -- above all Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine, his most likely ally in a party that has broadly rejected his overtures."
Just in terms of sheer punctuation, this sentence took the cake. With both colon and dash, as well as a dash-connected word, it made the intonation of what he was saying very clear. However, I did not like his use of the dash - I thought it was out of place and did not contribute to the sentence either stylistically or aesthetically.
I think the sentence would have been more powerful with a little revision. If he was hoping for large quantities of punctuation, this might have done the trick:
"Obama's target audiences were diverse: liberal activists and members of Congress; moderate rank-and-file voters; and a few Republican senators, above all his most likely ally in a party that has broadly rejected his overtures, Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine."
These sentences are from Ellen Goodmans's article, "I am Grateful to have a Job"
"The closest we get to numbering the grateful worker is in the figures showing that job-leavers - those who voluntarily quit - are at an all-time low. Trust me, they aren’t all staying because they suddenly love their bosses."
I chose these sentences from her column because i love how her writing style is like the inner monolog of people. She made up the phrase "job-leaver", but it is something that made complete sense to me and I understand what she was trying to say even though in proper english, it is not a real phrase. I also loved the sarcasm at the end. This helps to prove her point but still make in interesting for the readers. She took a concept that was relatively bland but with her made up phrase and sarcasm she made it more enticing.
These sentences are from Ellen Goodmans's article, "I am Grateful to have a Job"
"The closest we get to numbering the grateful worker is in the figures showing that job-leavers - those who voluntarily quit - are at an all-time low. Trust me, they aren’t all staying because they suddenly love their bosses."
I chose these sentences from her column because i love how her writing style is like the inner monolog of people. She made up the phrase "job-leaver", but it is something that made complete sense to me and I understand what she was trying to say even though in proper english, it is not a real phrase. I also loved the sarcasm at the end. This helps to prove her point but still make in interesting for the readers. She took a concept that was relatively bland but with her made up phrase and sarcasm she made it more enticing.
Cecilia!
Read Dowd's latest article! Wow she is ballsy!
"Boy, Oh, Boy."
"Part of the spookiness of life, part of its power to disorient us, is not only that people die, that they slip below the waves, but that the waves close above them so quickly, the sea so quickly looks the same."
I love the way in which the commas break this sentence apart. Each clump refers the the last and introduces the next while giving distinct tastes of an idea. It definitely Pow'ed me when I read it, from the word "spookiness" to the wave metaphor.
"Sadly, I imagine that the new giant border fence will make shipping drugs to the U.S. even more difficult and result in still more addiction — and violence — in Mexico."
This was from an article about the increase in security on the Mexican Boarder leading to less drugs in America but more drugs in Mexico causing all the problems (addiction and violence) that go along with them to worsen in Mexico. I think this is an interesting subject in the first place, but I also like the obvious bias that this sentence has by using "Sadly" as the first word. And I like the use of the dash. I think it's a strong sentence about an interesting topic.
"I wasn't really plugged into anything. Sometimes I would call the station KSRD after my initials. If I were feeling especially shock-jockish, I would give my fake radio station the call letters KRAP." - Steve Dahl
Once again Steve Dahl disappoints me with his article. Talking about his podcast and childhood for 2 pages was not the reason i decided to follow him.
But,the reason why i picked this specific quote is because of his sense of humor and word choice in "Shock-jockish". The humor here is obviously when he thinks of an alternative name for his "radio station": KRAP. What also caught my eye is his use of the "shock-jockish". I believe the unfamiliarity of this word causes you to pay more attention to context, and may keep you interested as the meaning may be clear in another part of the article
"Czars are…well I cannot quite tell you what czars are and neither can the Republicans, who have made this very lack of definition part of their cause."
I thought it was interesting how he used an ellipses in the middle of the sentences. It allowed him to add in his own personal opinion in a way that reflected one's thought process before transitioning back to a more traditional argument. I also like the last phrase after the comma. Although it is tacked on at the end it's still just as relevant and interesting, while keeping things concise.
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