You all posted some awesome lines and some great comments on why those lines stood out. Now, I want you to focus on sentence structure. Look for a sentence that moves beyond, way beyond, the subject-verb creation and dazzles you with either a fun piece of punctuation or an interesting structure. Then again, maybe your writer has a case of subject-verb-itis and repeats the same pattern so many times it makes you want to scream. Share and amaze .... and remember to post by Sunday.
In other news -- here's a good read about the precision of words. Maybe you're a little obsessed with the English language, too, and would like to learn more. After Deadline, a NYTimes blog, is a great place to start.
17 comments:
"...was fueled by the same greedy disregard for the laws of fiscal gravity that governed the fight-now-pay-later war" -- "Freedom's Just Another Word" by Frank Rich
I think the author's use of multiple hyphens is very clever. He uses the hyphens to consolidate a complicated idea into one adjective. I can't think of a more concise way to illustrate this point. Using this hyphenated phrase adds an informal yet clear aspect to the writing. And it colors the tone by suggesting the author's negative feelings towards the war.
Also, "the laws of fiscal gravity" is just an awesome phrase..
Even in the midst of a digital revolution that's making it ever more difficult for us to delete traces of our individual pasts, Longstaff, the head of the St. James Ethics Centre in Sydney, thinks forgetting who we are collectively is the most powerful threat to Western societies.
I really like the use of all the commas. Everything just flows together and makes the readers eyes move quicker. I also like when he says "is the most powerful threat" because it gives more emphasize on why this is a threat to society and that is seems like it is the only threat.
Love the first two posts. Great job Nate and Betsy!!! You've got us off to a solid start.
"For all the skill and experience of the many people like Redmond who are working here, his story shows how the success or failure of relief work in a disaster zone -- and the life or death of patients -- can hinge on determination, nimble thinking and no small amount of luck." David Brown- Washington Post
I think this single sentence holds a lot of information and an important message. What I like about the structure is that he almost wrote it backwards from the way that I would have. Because he did this, he ended with the words "no small amount of luck" a good word to end the sentence with, and the title of the piece. I would have put the section "for all the skill..." after the second section but because he reversed this order, he ended the sentence with a bit of repetition/a list (determination, nimble thinking, luck) and a strong last word.
“Another reason for her popularity: Dr. Laura was usually right.” –Kathleen Parker, Washington Post
This sentence does not have the most complex sentence structure, but the structure mirrors its meaning in the greater context of the article. In her column, Parker discusses how Dr. Laura was quick to formulate solutions to her callers’ problems, how she was very straightforward and honest with the callers, and most incredibly, how normally, Dr. Laura was right. In the same way, this sentence reflects Dr. Laura’s character: the sentence is quick, snappy, and very clear. The colon (which appears quite infrequently in Parker’s writing) helps create the straightforwardness (?) of the sentence by linking the introductory clause and main subject/predicate without too many fluffy conjunctions so the sharpness of the sentence is not lost, just as Dr. Laura’s sharpness is also apparent through her accuracy, quick responses, and straightforwardness.
I switched to SF Chronicle Sports Writer, Bruce Jenkins:
"Minds were properly blown. If you had to measure the fans' reaction to Allen, it started with "Wow," escalated to "This kid's really good," and finally left them speechless"- "Blue-chip freshman's big debut"
I think the authors use of two quotes by two different people really draws the reader into the lines. First, a fan describes Cal's new freshman quarterback with a wow. What can get much better than a "wow"? Bruce Jenkins is able to make each consecutive word in this sentence more descriptive and grabbing because he describes them in stages. He brings the reader in with the "wow", gets them even more interested with, "this kid's really good", and blows the reader away by, "and finally left them speechless". I like that he does not throw all of this information on the reader at first, but rather lures them into wanting to hear more about the great new Cal quarterback.
I also enjoy that Bruce Jenkins does not cite who said the quotes. This is useful because it allows for the flow of the sentence to continue instead of having two said..." ".
"There is a lot to Samuelson’s point — and it is a microcosm of a larger problem we have not faced honestly as we have dug out of this recession: We had a values breakdown — a national epidemic of get-rich-quickism and something-for-nothingism" -Thomas Friedman in the article "We're Number 1 (1)."
By using dashes, colons and hyphens, Friedman breaks up the sentence a lot. There is so much shape to the sentence that the punctuation alone provides a tone. When he uses dashes to single out a sentence fragment, it is as though Friedman is explaining something aloud and pauses his thought to add something. He also emphasizes "We had a values breakdown" by introducing the line with the only colon in his whole article, making it clear that this is his main point.
"In the writing trade, if you win a Pullet Surprise, this is the Heisman Trophy, Get Out Of Jail Free card and Magic Twanger all rolled into one, and though it's awarded by a roomful of large enchiladas at Columbia University in New York, and The Upper West Side Prize would be a more accurate brand name, nonetheless it has juju power all across the land." --Garrison Keillor, "Charm Beats Out Smarts Every Time"
First, "pullet surprise" is the best pun I've ever heard. Hilarious.
Second, I just love this sentence's rhythm. Even though it is long, it flows so well. It mirrors Keillor's train of thought perfectly. I love his use of commas, too--without them, the reader might be lost. However, Keillor places them so well and so accurately that he manages to pack quite a lot of information and quite a lot of humor into a single sentence. The commas and conjunctions also allow him to make quick little asides that a less-adept writer might have had to put in different sentences, forcing lines like "awarded by a roomful of large enchiladas at Columbia University" to lose much of their humor.
"She introduces each song with an endearing but superfluous explanation, and sings with every fiber of her being, embracing the world in front of her with long, graceful arms, her wide smile giving off warm, endless acceptance."
I love this sentence because I think it has great rhythm, and the rhythm helps the sentence describe how the person introduces her songs. Her sentence use is what gives the sentence such great rhythm and it makes each description its own word and allows the reader to take in each word. Her use of commas and adjectives shows how she feels about who she is describing. Also I love her use of the word "superfluous".
"I sat quietly, holding one talisman in my left hand - an iPhone - while balancing another sign of fealty in my lap - a MacBook." - Steve Mirsky, from "Scientific American" in his essay "An Apple a Day for a Week"
I find this sentence to be interesting because of how carefully and cleverly that it was crafted for the purpose of highlighting the Apple products that are the subject of the greater essay. Mirsky's use of the hyphens was a very clear way to display the subjects as it makes them stand alone in a way. However, though the subjects may physically stand alone in the sentence, they are supported by some interesting vocabulary that provides commentary from the author. By using words and phrases such as "talisman" (which is a magical object) and "sign of fealty" (which Apple dictionary defines as, "a feudal tenant's or vassal's sworn loyalty to a lord" - The keyword being: LOYALTY) to build up the products, Mirsky likens the use of Apple products to being a part of a cult. Although this gives the sentence a sassy, snarky, sarcastic tone, the sentence also explains how the author has completely bought into this culture, so Mirsky does not seem like he is totally bashing on the Apple god Steve Jobs.
I also changed the essay I'm following to the weekly essay "Lives" in the New York Times Magazine.
"We drove past the blackened land and sunken faces, out of the village."
Although the sentence and grammar may be simple, I think the use of the comma helps illustrate what the sentence is actually saying. In the first part of the sentence before the comma, the author describes a scene filled with filth and and poverty. However after a comma, the 4 words "out of the village" changes the scene completely. Instead the scene I imagine is cleaner and out of the hardships that the writer, Shahan Mufti talks about in his essay about visiting his homeland Pakistan after the flood. Shahan could have written "We drove out of the village past the blackened land and sunken faces." But with the comma, it breaks up the sentence from the dirty area to the clean area when they're safe.
"Even men whose testicular cancer has metastasized—in the case of Bosl’s patient, it had spread to the lungs and abdomen—have at least a 70 percent chance of being rid of their cancer forever, which is what this man has every reason to expect: nine years after testicular surgery, 12 weeks of treatment with the chemotherapy agents cisplatin and etoposide (both of which are decades old, not new miracle drugs), and an operation to remove the metastases in his lungs and abdomen, he remains free of cancer. "
I really liked this sentence because it is complex, but not hard to understand. It is not just a basic subject verb sentence. In one sentence the author uses a colon, parenthesis, dashes and commas. The sentence seems to be a run-on sentence, but its not. There is also a lot of information for one sentence. The sentence also makes sense with the subject matter, Begley lists all the treatments the patient had gone through which had lasted years and years and she makes the sentence long which helps prove the point. I liked how the author uses the colon to show why the patient deserves to be cured, because of all the things he has been through which she lists like a definition. She also adds information in parenthesis which she thinks is important to know. The way she does this is discrete, but helpful to the reader.
The most proficient spinner since Rumpelstiltskin lacks introspection. The self-described “manipulator” is still in denial about being manipulated.
(referring to Tony Blair going along with Bush during the start of the Iraq war)
Maureen Dowd uses the same sentence structure for both of these sentences. They both start with creative ways of describing Blair and then state a related flaw with him. Also, she uses similar words for the first and last parts of the sentences. "Rumpelstiltskin" and "introspection" have the same amount of syllables and are both similar sounding and "manipulator and "manipulated" obviously share the common word: "manipulate". the identical rhythms and repetition in these two sentences really emphasizes her point, even though she only uses it twice.
"While one America fought, another shopped until the debt-driven spree ended in mayhem; and, to their horror, Americans discovered they could no longer cushion their declining incomes by borrowing against the once rising — now crashing — assets of their homes."
I like this sentence because it uses its complexity to express a particular feeling to the reader. Specifically, the sentence uses its diction in order to create a sense of mayhem and out of control collapse. By inserting phrases that present a none too subtle subtext to his sentence (ie: "ended in mayhem" and "too their horror" and "once rising-now crashing"), Cohen creates a strong theme for his essay. This sentence in its convoluted structure invokes the particular feeling of mayhem and chaos that Cohen is trying to invoke. I also like how the sentence uses complex language and structure while still remaining grammatically correct.
PS. I also noticed another sentence that dazzled me with its use of punctuation. I posted that sentence below because its use of commas, hyphens, quotation marks, a colon, and its semicolons (yes that's right two semicolons!) amazed me.
Since returning to Europe recently, I’ve been struck by the venom in the air: a German Bundesbank board member lamenting the Muslim dilution of his nation in a best-selling book called “Germany Does Away with Itself;” the growing political clout of the Dutch rightist Geert Wilders who is expected in Manhattan Saturday to address an anti-mosque rally; a political climate that sees Turkey’s entry into the European Union receding, a Swiss ban on minarets and French and Belgian acrimony over the veil.
"My mother’s name was Adelaide, and there were assorted craftsmen and hangers-on with names like Moe and Brownie and Earl Love and my beloved Uncle Breeze." - "A Hero Named Bobby" by Bob Herbert
I like this sentence because it is not just straightforward; you have to pay attention to get it right in your head. I think the way that Herbert starts pairs very nicely with where he goes from there. Starting with a straightforward statement (about his mom's name), then continuing with more complex, unique information makes this a more exciting sentence than if he had just listed the cast of characters in a more linear fashion. By describing the four men before introducing their names, AND using 'and' in between each of the four names, I think that Herbert makes the reader really imagine each character and mentally see what he is talking about.
“More jobs mean less violence,” Ms. Retik noted. “It would be naïve to think that we can change the country, but change has to start somewhere. If we can provide a skill for a woman so that she can provide for her family going forward, then that’s one person or five people who will have a roof over their head, food in their bellies and a chance for education.”
The Healers of 9/11 Nicholas Kristof
That is starts out with a small meaningful quote. Then it stops and states the speaker who says it and writes the rest of the quote. It feels like a dramatic pause, instead of just saying an entire quote and end with the speaker. It gives the reader the speaker and then his quote.
OK, we get it. You're united. You're one union, one voice. Now enough already with the over-dramatic, inappropriate and yawn-inducing "we're oppressed" pregame show of solidarity.
I like the way that Gene W. uses three sentence fragments in this short paragraph, making the paragraph very interesting. It also seems as if he is a constantly sarcastic writer because he uses his sarcasm again here
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