First things first: You all are the FIRST EVER class (all 17 of you!) to post on time. Nice start to the year. Let's keep this up. :-)
This week's focus is sentence structure. Ooohh. AAAhhh. Look for a sentence that moves beyond, way beyond, the subject-verb creation and dazzles you with either a fun piece of punctuation or an interesting structure. Then again, maybe your writer has a case of subject-verb-itis and repeats the same pattern so many times it makes you want to scream. Share and amaze.
Keep up the fabulous work!
19 comments:
Few things say “fall baking” to me more than the combination of apples and cinnamon. Just the smell alone is enough to make me happy. With this recipe, apple-cinnamon goodness gets wrapped inside a tender, flaky crust. You need these in your life. Really.
I liked the way that she phrased this section, because her sentence structure made it more personal and interesting. Rather than just saying apples and cinnamon remind her of fall, she delivers it in a way that makes it clear to the reader that she has a deep connection to these ingredients and that they are more than just thing, but memories and symbols. She then goes on in a way that enhances her clear passion for fall and the significance it has for her baking. She does a good job of engaging the reader by making it personal and descriptive, while also using ‘you,’ in order to include the reader in the experience and feelings she has.
"A funny thing happens when you bring a little food business to a small community: while most of the population celebrates their new food options, others–a small, warlike bunch–see the new eatery as a threat to their entire way of life."
I have never used a dash in my writing-gasp, I know-until now. I’m not even sure if I used it correctly but I am always in awe of those who have the skill and knowledge to do so. I thought this sentence was one of the more structurally interesting ones in her blog post, especially because she uses not only a dash, but a semicolon (or super comma) as well! I like how she uses the dashes to insert a little phrase that adds humor to the sentence. It makes it fun to read (I gave a little chuckle) and grabs the reader.
“Probably no longer than the moment when voters begin to wonder about the clerks who process Social Security checks.”
This sentence is very intriguing for me. It is, obviously, not even a complete sentence. It is just a fragment, without any active verb. So one would assume that it doesn’t work or needs to be changed. But I think the use of the fragment in this sentence helped to convey the sarcasm and pessimism that Collins feels about the topic. This sentence is just one of many snide side-comments in her piece about upcoming Congressional activity. It is a blunt and dry way of embellishing the point she is making in the article. It is barely a complete thought, yet it is written clearly enough that it simply hints at what she wants to say. Despite its lack of conventional structure, the sentence is organized in a way that carries the train of thought through the whole way. Upon arrival at the end, the reader is confronted by the dry sarcasm that is typical of Collins’ writing and attitude towards Congressional politics in this article. Within its context, the sentence is witty and helps give a strong feeling to the article that, if omitted, would be primarily factual and a bit boring. By breaking conventional sentence structure, Collins breaks our expectations of what an article on politics should be: instead of dense and technical, her writing is humorous and blunt.
"[The tiny vegetables] were arranged on slate boards, to give them the air of a Dutch still life: three courgette flowers, three dwarf aubergines, three tiny beetroot, three miniature carrots. It was Miss World for vegetables. I photographed the winners."
I really really likes how Boyt used punctuation here. First of all it was really funny because the longer sentence followed by two short sentences made something random like "Miss World for vegetables" sound important. The period is forcing you to take the idea seriously, making the whole thing more hilarious because suddenly your mind is being bossed around by a punctuation mark.
Additionally, I really liked the sarcasm that could be conveyed just from the mixture of short and long sentences, and the thoughtful placement of the semi-colon.
It was super cool to see how being a just little creative with your punctuation and sentence patterns can go a long way.
"When Bama coach Nick Saban removed his headphones and made his way toward midfield for the postgame handshake with Texas A&M's Kevin Sumlin, he looked like someone who had driven a car full of screaming infants all the way to Yosemite. And his team won!"
I like how Gene Wojciechowski uses a complex sentence here to illustrate the detail of Coach Nika Saban's emotion after the game. The first part of the sentence, allows me to picture the coach walking over to shake the other team's coach, and then the second part of the sentence illustrates his excitement and energy after winning the game. I also like how he followed this complex sentence with a short simple sentence. Yet, the exclamation point at the end of the short second sentence, still gives the sentence as much power as the prior.
"Skipping school at 13. Pregnant at 14. Married at 15. Separated at 17, on food stamps and back with her mother on a working-class block by a railroad in suburban Maryland; her mother had also relied on welfare and donated food to feed Cathy and her brothers after her husband split when Lanier was a toddler."
The first three sentences in this section are short and to the point. Dowd is laying down the hard facts right from the beginning and then, rather than putting another period after "Separated at 17", she continues the sentence explaining the woman's life after those events. I like this use of sentence structure because I think there is sometimes this connotation with short sentences that they are boring and useless. However, in this case, the repeating structure with only 3-4 words per sentence works perfectly. I think this was a great and successful way for her to insert some of the woman's background story into the beginning of the piece.
"When the season is over, Peyton and Eli finally will meet again — at Domilise's on Annunciation Street, where, as boys, they constantly shared po' boy sandwiches and Barq's root beer and talked about the day when they would be playing quarterback against each other in the NFL."
There's a lot going on in this sentence, as it is only one sentence, and Paige does a nice job of making it work. I like his use of the dash to provide more detail as to where they "finally will meet again" because what follows isn't expected. Instead of mentioning something about the playoffs, he goes back in time to their childhood. Also, as the sentence goes on the reader gets more information about the reunion of the Manning brothers. From the details about what street the restaurant is on, to what the boys will be eating/drinking, Paige really sets the scene.
"It's asked us to feel more vengeful about a chemical attack than about rampant sexual violence against women in India or recent news of an 8-year-old in Yemen — forced to marry a 40-year-old man — who died of internal injuries on her wedding night."
This sentence is the peak of Duam's exasperated tone that is slowly built up in this weeks column. The length is what creates that feel. The way she goes into detail about these other tragic scenarios really forces the reader to imagine them, be effected by them, and question what Duam wants them to: can atrocities really be ranked? One example she uses, begins with "an 8 year old..." This example already hits home. Children are innocent and sweet, and crimes against them are always most painful to the public. Immediately after those words, a dash adds in, "-forced to marry a 40-year-old man-" This hit the reader again, a double whammy. It's placement between dashes, indicates that she is not even to her main point yet, and the reader prepares for a triple whammy. It comes with "who died of internal injuries on her wedding night." This, paired with "rampant sexual violence against women," Duam creates a sentence that truly wrinkles the brow, widens the eyes, and causes one gasp "Jeeeez Louise!"
"It was only the events in Birmingham, Ala., in early May — the police beatings, the snapping dogs, the fire hoses turned on people — that galvanized the movement."
For me, this sentence stuck out from the rest of the article. It is not that David Brooks only used bland sentences except for this one, but this sentence structure was different from the others while still maintaining the natural flow of the article. Throughout the article David Brooks used patterns of three to describe certain events and situation, but for this one he set it apart with the dashes on either side. This not only makes it pop visually, but also made me pause before and after reading the text in between: "the police beatings, the snapping dogs, the fire hoses turned on people". David Brooks increased the dramatic nature of the sentence; it was already intense because of the subject matter but he increased that intensity with his sentence structure. He forced me to recall all the brutality during that time that I had learned about, putting the article's topic, the ideas behind the March on Washington, into perspective.
"Although he’s adamant that it’s been a relentless team effort that got the team back on the water, it’s clear that Artemis Racing skipper Iain Percy, long-time Olympic sailing partner and close friend of Simpson, was a motivating force behind this massive achievement."
I really liked this sentence because of the way that she was able to use commas to make her point clear without making things too complicated.I personally have struggled with comma usage so I admire how she was able to do it so well without have either a run-on or a fragment sentence. She was able to keep descriptions clear even when describing different ideas of people and things and made her ideas clear to the reader
"In theory, it is possible that gentle nudges will turn into intrusive diktats and the nanny state will drain individual responsibility.
But, in practice, it is hard to feel that my decision-making powers have been weakened because when I got my driver’s license enrolling in organ donation was the default option. "
This is technically two sentences, but it could be one. In fact, there is a paragraph break in between these two clauses. I really liked this format because it sums up the previous idea and moves onto the next one seamlessly, but still shows a clear transition between paragraphs. It allows Brooks room to elaborate on the second idea in the following sentences without any doubt as to whether he is finished with the first idea. Also he uses the word "diktats".
"The four young men, who play football at nearby William Paterson University, picked up the items they wanted and then looked around for -- get this -- somebody to pay."
I liked the way that Rick Reilly uses punctuation in this sentence because while Reilly is reporting on a story about college football players, he goes out of his way to put some of his own commentary into the article. By using the two dashes on each side of "get this" i felt more connected to how he felt about the situation and i could experience the same shock or surprise that he felt when learning about the good actions that the football players exerted. He also makes it seem as something is different or not normal about the situation that just happened. He makes the readers feel like they are part of the story.
"Prior to Sunday’s game, quarterback Colin Kaepernick was a perfect 5-0 on his home turf at Candlestick Park, while the 49ers team had remained undefeated following losses under Harbaugh (7-0). Both streaks were snapped like a wishbone after a Thanksgiving feast."
This paragraph is one example of the way the author uses his sentence structure to completely destroy the 49ers. In this paragraph, the author at first highlights the 49ers major achievements and their flawless record, then he completely brings them down by saying ending their streak was as easy as snapping a wish bone. The author does this all throughout the article. I think that professionally this is a good technique because he uses the achievements as a way to draw in the reader. However, personally I really did not like the way he was writing because it got me more frustrated with my favorite team.
"None is too small. None is too unrelated."
Gail Collins repeatedly uses short and sweet sentence to relay her message. Her simple sentences are straight to the point, yet give as much detail as a sentence on the longer side. She uses the 2 sentences above to describe issues revolving around Obamacare. There are many ways to describe these current issues, but to effective sum it up in 8 words leaves me completely amazed at her writing abilities.
"Now, facing a limited strike, its position abruptly changed to: Oh! We do have them after all! And we want to sign the Chemical Weapons Convention! We want to show them to United Nations inspectors."
While Kristof's writing this week wasn't brimming with interesting sentence structure, I found this particular passage intriguing. As he writes about Syria, he uses italics and short, abrupt sentences to emphasize irony. The italics aren't visible here due to the format of blogger.com, but italics begin with "Oh!" and end with "inspectors." Here, he is commenting on Syria's change in position after the U.S. called for military strike. Because Kristof clearly is criticizing this flippant international policy, his use of exclamation points and abrupt sentences emphasizes his idea of the Syrian government's thought process, which he characterizes here as vacuous.
"Having surrendered the title to United last season – a campaign which included a 3-2 defeat against Ferguson’s team at the Etihad Stadium – City captain Kompany insisted that the home side were more determined to emerge victorious."
Here in this short paragraph, Mark Ogden uses dashes in the middle of his sentence to add more context. Throughout his articles, he does not have many irregular sentence structures that really catch the eye. Although, I picked this example because I am not very familiar with the usage of dashes to add context. They work similarily to parenthesis or commas, allowing the writer to give more information towards a topic in order to deepen the understanding and knowledge for the reader. I think this sentence structure is very useful for writers who like to make comparisons in their writing.
"Utilizing the RED Epic and Scarlet cameras (for the most part) Filip is able to capture the remoteness of the backcountry locations and industrial grit of the urban shots with extreme visual clarity."
I like how O'neill puts the main subject of the sentence at the beginning instead of at the end, reversing the structure of the sentence. This sentence also popped for me structurally because he is able to use some very descriptive adjectives that also convey a real sense of imagery, without making the sentence a run-on or making it sound to "thesaurusized". The structure of the sentence also does a really good job of showing a strong contrast between the different locations for the production. He first takes us into the peaceful, snowy backcountry of AK then transitions into the polar opposite: the "industrial grit" and overall less visually appealing city of Detroit (yes they did film an urban segment in Detroit). He then brings both settings together by showing how they were both depicted with an equal amount of clarity and definition, using the specified cameras.
"No, they were most likely using the luck and fortune definition. Moreover, they weren't securing our right to happiness as much as granting us permission to spend our lives chasing after it."
I like the simplicity and honesty of this sentence written by Meghan Daum. In this article she defines what happiness means to her and what other people may believe it is. I thought the last line is particularly clever. She has a very strong personal view in this article. She goes against the common definition of happiness and creates her own. At the same time, she writes in "us" vs "them" perspective which I thought was interesting.
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